POST 22 - Coming to Terms with a Changing World - A Previous Deconstruction and Reasons Others May be Deconstructing

POST 22

When I graduated from college and entered the adult workforce, I was ill-prepared socially. I was deathly shy--almost fearful of adults I didn't know. I struggled to navigate social situations, especially work parties. I didn’t know what to say or do when alcohol was offered. Once, a boss made fun of me for ordering a Shirley Temple at a Christmas dinner party at a restaurant.

People have often asked why I don’t drink, and even now, I don’t always know how to respond. I do enjoy the occasional glass of wine or a cocktail, but my desire to not drink is a deeply ingrained part of who I am, shaped by my upbringing. 

Now that my daughter and her husband are out on their own and drink quite heavily, I feel it deeply in my gut. I worry about them.

When drinkers visit my home, I find myself at a loss. What should I offer them? I still feel weird about it, as though I’m stepping into a world I don’t quite belong to.

Sometimes I feel crushed inside

Once I was freed from the cult-like environment of my upbringing and recognized how unprepared I had been for the real world, I vowed to take a more moderate approach to raising my children. I wanted to expose them to a broader world than I had been part of while still holding onto the foundational truths of faith.

Being a shy introvert, this desire came with some natural restrictions due to my own comfort level. Being a mom required being pushed out of my comfort zone more than I would have liked. 

I made an intentional effort to avoid the rigidity and legalism I had grown up with. I tried to allow both my husband and children time to explore their interests and make their own decisions about certain things.

I taught my children about salvation and Jesus, made sure they knew the importance of a personal relationship with God, and took them to church and Christian children's programs regularly. 

Yet I didn’t impose the same strict rules or black-and-white thinking on them as much as possible. I wanted them to be prepared for the bigger world while having a strong foundation of faith. 

But though the Bible says to train up a child in the way he or she should go and they won't depart from it, today, many ARE departing from it. My adult children’s choices of activities trouble me. They’re into Dungeons and Dragons—something I was once told was demonic. They’re also heavily into fantasy games (both board games and online games), and fantasy and science fiction movies and books. My daughter married a non-believer and got tattood on her honeymoon. It wasn't one the size of a snail, but the size of a lion's head.  

My naïve self still struggles to reconcile it all because they don’t seem to balance their interests with devotional reading or church participation, as far as I know. I don't know what goes on inside their hearts. And so I find it troubling as their mom. And I pray for God to pursue them as I leave them to his care.

I wrestle with how to approach these topics without alienating my children or compromising my faith. I don't want to be judgmental, but I feel like an outsider to this new world they participate in. I watched a movie tonight where the actor used the term "irrelevant". It struck me, I feel irrelevant to my children. And I don't know how much their choice of lifestyle is good or bad for them. Their choices are foreign to my faith upbringing. My parents would have said they're on the wrong path.

Proceed to POST 23