Post 7 - Deconstructing After Too Many Busted Dreams?

 Post 7

I'm halfway through the book on Deconstruction, but I don't recall if broken dreams was one of the reasons given in it or not. So I will make my own presumptions. Many of us in the church have faced challenges or letdowns. We feel we were not heard. We felt undervalued or dismissed. We were put into a stereotype by others based on our career or lack of it. We had expectations. 

Then there is disillusion with God. We pray for something and it never materializes. We follow his word carefully and he seems to let us down afterall, doesn't the bible say he will give us the desires of our hearts?

A Christian family I know has a 20-something daughter who has become transgender. She is referred to as they, not her or she. This new phenomenon isn't something any of us in the older generation faced. I can only imagine the heartache I'd feel if that were my daughter. 

And her dad, who isn't taking it well, was a devoted Christ follower who was active in the church until now. Now he is deconstructing his faith. 

I have enough of my own disappointments which I wrote in another draft of this post and have since decided not to share. It all seems tedious now. I know how I felt and am moving on. 

When Dreams Meet Disappointment

Having experienced my own busted dreams and unhelpful comments from church members and pastors, I see why people have chosen to step away from the church. They've been let down. They're tired of trying. They're tired of discrimination. They're tired of trying to prove themselves to God and to the church. They're tired of criticism about their ideas.

I recently met a local woman who is gung-ho about proposing her church start a home care ministry for seniors the church would operate as a business. She described it as employing personal service workers (PSWs) to go out and serve the elderly. She saw it as a way for the church to provide a Christian ministry to that age group while also bringing income into the church.  But having helped my late mother-in-law go through needing the help of PSWs, I know full well, they are hard to come by. Often those who were to show up, missed their shifts. 

Many personal support workers (PSWs) in my area come from diverse religious and cultural backgrounds many of them being new immigrants. They might be Muslim, Hindu, Sikh or from any other number of faith communities. Their contributions are invaluable in meeting the growing demand for compassionate care, but it would be difficult to suggest it is a Christian ministry.

As well, it didn't add up financially in my mind. Seniors are often on budgets. They don't have the money to pay these agencies. Those from the depression era can't bring themselves to invest in care. Any money brought in would have to be paid out to the caregivers. And the church would have administrative and legal fees, I'm sure. 

I told her her heart was in the right place, but frankly, I don't see it working out. If I had told her that, she'd likely have seen me as another wet blanket. 

If she proceeds, I see her becoming very disappointed when the church rejects her ideas. I hope she comes through unscathed. 

When excitement fades, disillusionment often follows, especially for those who entered church life with high hopes. After all, we live in a world that constantly tells us, 'You can be anything you want to be.' And those of us raised in the church believed if you follow God and "a", "b", "c" everything will work out. 

Many young families believe this. I'm not saying it is wrong to have daily bible study with your four and six year old before school believing you are doing the right thing, but once they become of age, they WILL become their own person. Many churchgoers become shocked at their children's choices. 

For some, deconstructing their faith or stepping back from organized religion naturally follows when expectations aren't met.

Life is Full of Seasons, Give Yourself Grace 

Now that I’m older and wiser, I see that life is full of seasons. We often begin with hopeful expectations, believing we are called to do great things for God, only to later realize that many of those dreams were ideas we held in our own minds. Many women face setbacks and unfulfilled dreams, and when those moments come, we grieve.

Like many others, I’ve learned that the path we envision for ourselves isn’t always the one that comes to pass, and sometimes the plans we thought were divine invitations turn out to be detours leading us in unexpected and sometimes deflated directions. The choice is up to us whether or not to let go and continue to trust God. 

Proceed to POST 8