Post 4 - Unexplainable Church Wounds: Navigating Faith and Frustration

 

Post 4

Unexplainable Church Wounds: Navigating Faith and Frustration

Deconstruction Amongst the Younger Generation

What I've been reading in the book I mentioned in my last post has illuminated much of what I've been hearing from my now 30-something daughter. I can better understand some of the influences that have shaped her, particularly through her experience at a Canadian university and her current role as a Wellness Educator there. Our children are making different lifestyle choices and adopting values that can feel quite different from the ones we raised them with.

It’s hard not to feel like we’ve somehow failed—that the promise we made, along with our church, during their baby dedication to raise them in the Christian faith doesn't seem to have come to fruition. Watching our children make choices that don’t align with our teachings can be unsettling for many parents. But this is why it’s important to grasp the bigger picture: to understand what influences are shaping their worldview and which ideas are challenging their faith. We are not to be blamed, unless we've been ogres with our children. 

Reading this book has given me a bit more insight into the deconstruction journey my daughter seems to be on. I realize her journey isn’t over.

A quote in the book I agree with is (Chapter 2, page 11), "Not all who wander are lost."

When we see fellow believers making choices different than us, we must resist assessing and judging them. They are not lost. They are on a journey. They are still God's children and God gives them the freedom to investigate their own paths. For me that means, if I'm not currently going to church regularly on Sundays, the reasons are between me and God. 

A walk in the forest can feel so enlivening.

My Experience 

Before I continue, I want to clarify that while I resonate with the concept of deconstruction, my personal journey does not involve deconstructing my belief in the Bible, God, Jesus, or the foundational teachings I've grown up with. I still hold a deep faith, and I rely on the Holy Spirit for wisdom and guidance. I practice my spirituality in various places—whether it's in my home, on the front porch, at a nearby park, during a forest walk, or even in the sauna at my massage therapist’s spa.

What Is Included in My Deconstruction?

My husband and I have been cautiously questioning, for many years, the formal structure of today's church. 

I was brought up in a hymn-singing church. In the late 80s, after moving to the GTA, the church I joined introduced worship music, with the lyrics displayed using an overhead projector. Personal computers had just begun appearing in most business offices about five years earlier.

But the difference between this new church and the one I grew up in was more than just the music. It wasn’t as legalistic. The people were warm and loving, often greeting me with hugs and calling me by name. We had potlucks and social events, and I got involved in many ministries. It was exactly what I needed during a challenging time in my life.

When we had to change churches due to our beloved church splitting, we struggled with the idea that the new church was still singing hymns. It had triple the attendance of our small little church, and I felt like we were stepping backward into an old-fashioned era that might carry the same hints of legalism.

Switching churches seemed like the right thing to do, but with our move, we carried our anger, hurt, and deep frustration with us. I was still grieving the loss of what we had, which had felt like a one-in-a-lifetime experience.

I believe many people who are deconstructing their faith will express that they, too, experienced some form of hurt, abuse, or disillusionment within the church. These wounds can run deep, often pushing us away from communities that once felt like home. But rather than finding healing in a new place, those feelings can linger, making it difficult to fully engage or trust again.